Shady/healthcare … same thing

Ok yay I now have a job. My eyebrow raised initially during our whirlwind interview of 20 minutes that wrapped up with an offer only after she asked me if I had any RN liability insurance coverage. I took a breath and replied ‘ I’ve never been asked that in an interview before and no I do not.’

Today was our first day. It’s a phone triage nurse position for some 300 doctors and I was drawn to the carrot they dangled of going remote in the next 6 months after they trained me etc. This young fellow who’d been promoted up quickly to his training position for us new hires was a little HIPPA non compliant himself on a topic only after he ratted on his company saying ‘oh yeah right not we are all non compliant’ as we share this office with a much younger cutting edge start up group and voices carry. He also dropped the aside where my new company charges doctors $10.00 a minute to have us few nurses manage certain calls after being screened. Most calls take 30-60 minutes……………………………….

Let’s just say …………………….they are not paying me $600.00 an hour.

spirits

I’m a nurse and I’ve been around a lot of illness, disease, death. But the day I learned my step mom had stage 4 pancreatic cancer I was taking a shower and it was raining outside. I was living in Asheville NC nestled in the Blue Ridge Mountains. The sound of the water hitting the shower curtain sounded different. It was crisper, louder, almost palpable.

 

It’s raining in the spring season of Colorado snow and flowers. The smell of the rain reminded me of that day when I connected to the spirit of Ann and I knew she would stay with me and she wasn’t leaving as the pain of her situation screamed.

I knew I’d feel your presence and I always will.

 

Windows

I love them. I’ve had my favorites and I have a new one. These are so cool. They can open from the top by tilting in or wide open from the side or the handle locks firmly down in place. I’m in the basement studio with a sidewalk slant so one window eye level is on the ground, the next 2 feet higher, and my last window I can sit on the sill and watch the night sky full of stars or the snow as it falls or the brilliantly blue Colorado sky.

One 12 foot tall window in town often has a grey haired old man named Rocky sitting at his huge wooden round table cluttered with stacks of import looking art stuff. Reminds me of San Francisco and my step dad Bud only he would be using his sizzer’s as he loves clipping important stuff from papers.

Looking out or looking in ….it’s soothing to me.

Babysitting meditating …same thing

I realized something about my mind. I need it. But I need it to not do certain things at times it really wants and to keep quiet from time to time. That is a tall order if you’ve ever tried meditating.  I joined a 50 day challenge where I meditate for 10 minutes a day. Anybody can find 10 minutes, right? What about quieting your mind for 10 minutes. Virtually impossible (initially) and 100% OK!

Pretend you are babysitting your mind. It’s gonna wander, that’s it’s job. But suddenly your role as your soul is to babysit that little creature. When it says something to get your attention just say ‘shh it’s ok I know you hear that’ or want that or think that or feel that. It’s ok a thought comes up. Let it. Then sit back and watch. Listen. Breathe. Set your alarm so you can be free of time for a minute….. or 10.

A few more zeros

That’s what my once favorite for about a month attorney said to me when we first met over an injustice at hand. He made it clear the number of zeros behind the claim directly corresponded to his interest in follow through in his line of work. Ok cool, I guess. They will settle that’s not the issue but it’s the zeros. Someone else has more than I do at the moment as I can’t seem to get this server of justice to respond to my emails, or phone messages.

I’ve had another project going on to parallel this life I’m living and that’s to be proactive and not reactive. Quit being so defensive. Ok cool, I guess. My friend suggested I send him a certified letter stating my concerns and expectations. That felt empowering to do at a cost of $5.85. Not sure what I’m proving by making him sign for that letter but it seemed rather attorney like appropriate action and a better way to spend my energy.

I’ll continue to return to the fact of customer service. As a nurse I would never ignore a call from someone in need much less a PATIENT of mine. What an absurd thought. No it matters not how many zeros you have behind you as to the care and kindness I offer to my customers. Some only have zero and I love them even more cause they really need it and often I have it to give.

Stand Up

For what you believe in. Then send me some grace as I continue to do the same. I’m a 53 year old Aire’s female nurse with an opinion. You don’t want to light a match near that last sentence at times and that isn’t something I’m proud of.

I’ve been working on my defensive nature as this astrologer points out on a pretty regular basis I need to slay. Awesome, a flaw. Understanding via compassion, I’m up for it ….sometimes. When a lover lies to me and I’ve brushed it over with my end of the score card being of somewhat unapproachableness in nature if you’re a coward trying to come clean. (See?) Or silently reminding myself they don’t realize they are now going back on their word as the person tells me something and thinks I’ve forgotten our original agreement. I’ve held it in. Scolded myself as I must’ve deserved this kind of treatment for some reason unbeknownst to me as I do know I’ve been no angel in my early years. Meant no harm but didn’t always dot my I’s if I needed to do so.

But once a human crosses that line of 50 something happens. It’s time to fully accept myself for who I am as I accept my shortcomings as well. In so doing I stand up. I mean fully stand up. For who I am in the moment. For what I feel I’m worth fighting for above and beyond anyone else or their image of who I should be.

I’m not clear as to why people do what they do on a daily basis nor am I convinced most realize their words are wasted for unknown reasons. I don’t know why the truth is so difficult to get to but I do understand it’s hurtful when it’s not so.  As MLK so eloquently once said ‘I believe unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.’

Hospice…..think about it when you are healthy

I am a nurse and have NOT experienced a chronic or terminal diagnosis, but I was a hospice liaison and saw firsthand how much love hospice offers. I have worked in intensive care as well as many other branches of the medical fight for health. Hospice comes when one sees there is no longer a need to fight and a much bigger opportunity to only LOVE while they are present on earth. Period. Hospice isn’t waiting with shovels to hurry up your time it’s actually the complete opposite as end of life masters they bring the comfort you didn’t know was there. Nor did you realize your deep need for healing the spiritual and emotional needs beyond the physical body for yourself and all who know you. Once you’re gone those wounds will remain and will be faced regardless of your diagnosis, although the strength you showed will remain regardless of your choice. 

Angels on earth ……Hospice, don’t miss the love.