Shady/healthcare … same thing

Ok yay I now have a job. My eyebrow raised initially during our whirlwind interview of 20 minutes that wrapped up with an offer only after she asked me if I had any RN liability insurance coverage. I took a breath and replied ‘ I’ve never been asked that in an interview before and no I do not.’

Today was our first day. It’s a phone triage nurse position for some 300 doctors and I was drawn to the carrot they dangled of going remote in the next 6 months after they trained me etc. This young fellow who’d been promoted up quickly to his training position for us new hires was a little HIPPA non compliant himself on a topic only after he ratted on his company saying ‘oh yeah right not we are all non compliant’ as we share this office with a much younger cutting edge start up group and voices carry. He also dropped the aside where my new company charges doctors $10.00 a minute to have us few nurses manage certain calls after being screened. Most calls take 30-60 minutes……………………………….

Let’s just say …………………….they are not paying me $600.00 an hour.

spirits

I’m a nurse and I’ve been around a lot of illness, disease, death. But the day I learned my step mom had stage 4 pancreatic cancer I was taking a shower and it was raining outside. I was living in Asheville NC nestled in the Blue Ridge Mountains. The sound of the water hitting the shower curtain sounded different. It was crisper, louder, almost palpable.

 

It’s raining in the spring season of Colorado snow and flowers. The smell of the rain reminded me of that day when I connected to the spirit of Ann and I knew she would stay with me and she wasn’t leaving as the pain of her situation screamed.

I knew I’d feel your presence and I always will.

 

Windows

I love them. I’ve had my favorites and I have a new one. These are so cool. They can open from the top by tilting in or wide open from the side or the handle locks firmly down in place. I’m in the basement studio with a sidewalk slant so one window eye level is on the ground, the next 2 feet higher, and my last window I can sit on the sill and watch the night sky full of stars or the snow as it falls or the brilliantly blue Colorado sky.

One 12 foot tall window in town often has a grey haired old man named Rocky sitting at his huge wooden round table cluttered with stacks of import looking art stuff. Reminds me of San Francisco and my step dad Bud only he would be using his sizzer’s as he loves clipping important stuff from papers.

Looking out or looking in ….it’s soothing to me.

Babysitting meditating …same thing

I realized something about my mind. I need it. But I need it to not do certain things at times it really wants and to keep quiet from time to time. That is a tall order if you’ve ever tried meditating.  I joined a 50 day challenge where I meditate for 10 minutes a day. Anybody can find 10 minutes, right? What about quieting your mind for 10 minutes. Virtually impossible (initially) and 100% OK!

Pretend you are babysitting your mind. It’s gonna wander, that’s it’s job. But suddenly your role as your soul is to babysit that little creature. When it says something to get your attention just say ‘shh it’s ok I know you hear that’ or want that or think that or feel that. It’s ok a thought comes up. Let it. Then sit back and watch. Listen. Breathe. Set your alarm so you can be free of time for a minute….. or 10.

Manitou

I’m a native Atlantan who raised my daughter in Asheville, NC and now live in Manitou Springs, CO. I’ve worked seasonally all over the USA and traveled in-between seeking nature moments in wilderness settings often just off the beaten trail or other worldly distraction. Manitou stood out as special and I didn’t know why until after living here for 6 months, experiencing the community and wilderness fringe.

My life is crazy just like everybody else on this planet. Toss in a colorful, somewhat of a disillusion to comprehend President of the United States, a job mishap and I feel I’m in the exact right place in time. Manitou Springs Colorado where locals are welcoming, homeless are fed, and we all hike the same trails. The speed limit is 20mph as the town is a walking town with trailheads to Williams Canyon Waterfalls, Manitou Incline, and more.

This area was frequented for the 7 mineral springs found round town. Photo’s of Chief Manitou and Chief Ute beside some pointing out the plethora of mineral content found in each and other historical facts. Being a nurse I was taken by the old lemonade stand at the Iron Spring and the fact of citrus mixed with iron making it more absorbent in the body. Cool stuff. Beautiful place.

A few more zeros

That’s what my once favorite for about a month attorney said to me when we first met over an injustice at hand. He made it clear the number of zeros behind the claim directly corresponded to his interest in follow through in his line of work. Ok cool, I guess. They will settle that’s not the issue but it’s the zeros. Someone else has more than I do at the moment as I can’t seem to get this server of justice to respond to my emails, or phone messages.

I’ve had another project going on to parallel this life I’m living and that’s to be proactive and not reactive. Quit being so defensive. Ok cool, I guess. My friend suggested I send him a certified letter stating my concerns and expectations. That felt empowering to do at a cost of $5.85. Not sure what I’m proving by making him sign for that letter but it seemed rather attorney like appropriate action and a better way to spend my energy.

I’ll continue to return to the fact of customer service. As a nurse I would never ignore a call from someone in need much less a PATIENT of mine. What an absurd thought. No it matters not how many zeros you have behind you as to the care and kindness I offer to my customers. Some only have zero and I love them even more cause they really need it and often I have it to give.

Stand Up

For what you believe in. Then send me some grace as I continue to do the same. I’m a 53 year old Aire’s female nurse with an opinion. You don’t want to light a match near that last sentence at times and that isn’t something I’m proud of.

I’ve been working on my defensive nature as this astrologer points out on a pretty regular basis I need to slay. Awesome, a flaw. Understanding via compassion, I’m up for it ….sometimes. When a lover lies to me and I’ve brushed it over with my end of the score card being of somewhat unapproachableness in nature if you’re a coward trying to come clean. (See?) Or silently reminding myself they don’t realize they are now going back on their word as the person tells me something and thinks I’ve forgotten our original agreement. I’ve held it in. Scolded myself as I must’ve deserved this kind of treatment for some reason unbeknownst to me as I do know I’ve been no angel in my early years. Meant no harm but didn’t always dot my I’s if I needed to do so.

But once a human crosses that line of 50 something happens. It’s time to fully accept myself for who I am as I accept my shortcomings as well. In so doing I stand up. I mean fully stand up. For who I am in the moment. For what I feel I’m worth fighting for above and beyond anyone else or their image of who I should be.

I’m not clear as to why people do what they do on a daily basis nor am I convinced most realize their words are wasted for unknown reasons. I don’t know why the truth is so difficult to get to but I do understand it’s hurtful when it’s not so.  As MLK so eloquently once said ‘I believe unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.’

birds of a feather

I have joined a new group on Facebook and I was excited when a member said ‘we wanna start hiking together!’ I love hikes and have several amazing ones just out my back door …literally. So it took me a minute to put together an invite for a week away. Although I didn’t have any takers from that platform I did end up on 2 of the most adventurous hikes I’ve been on in 20 years!

The first with a lone local 22 yr old young man named John. I offhandedly mentioned a hike and he was thrilled and off we went. He lives up in the canyon – home-less. He is not on Facebook nor part of my intended target audience. His story originates from Indianapolis. The streets thereof. His mom was a drug addict and he had meth, heroin, etc in his blood when born. We’ve been acquaintances since I first arrived in town as most frequent Good Karma Cafe for free wifi and yes coffee. Back then I had noticed his wrapped finger and I suggested he soak it in warm salt water – often. He’d dropped a rock on it and it looked painful …still does now months later.

Chica has begun to run and jump when she sees John was happy he was there when the inevitable headwall would cross her path on our hike. He kept saying ‘I can go into 4 wheel drive!’ and plowed ahead scrambling up across over the alpine terrain, I suggested he pace himself instead. When he had asked every group of hikers ‘Hey do you need pot brownies I have them for sale!!’ and received only raised eyebrows and no takers I suggested he save his products for another crowd. He quit after the next group ignored his sales pitch altogether.

We had a blast on the hike. Made it to the Williams Canyon Waterfalls. So beautiful. We ventured way above the falls looking for crystals as the locals vaguely point this to be a good area. John found prettier rocks than I did! He even learned to keep the volume down in the canyon by saying ‘I’ll show you this if you don’t scream.’ I tend to get excited about life’s simple pleasures, it can be a bit much at times I’ll admit even for me. But I have noted the younger crowds are much more forgiving and we tend to balance out in some fashion.

On Sunday I decided to hike alone. A comedy of errors ended up a day full of adventure with me, Sky, and Sarah. The two 17 year old girls had  seen me way up above the canyon trail and thought I knew where I was going. Sky works at the local chocolate shop and hadn’t been back here since the massive Manitou Springs flood wiped familiar away. They’d caught up with me and we hit it off immediately.  Actually it was after I’d put them to the Pam test and they actually took it gracefully that things began to flow and I accepted I was not going on a solo hike. Later when I apologized Sarah laughed and said ‘no we would have said the same thing!’ We’d found ourselves terribly off trail and loving every minute as we fueled each other at the exact right moment.  Yet, I’m an old rock climber so if I sense a hint of danger I’m safety focused and we had some of those moments. It was too much fun and I must’ve time warped to being 12 again. Scrambling up these cliffs and caves therein, seeing the waterfalls from WAY far away, not knowing which way to go and switching leads. Magnificent views.  We didn’t take pictures as it couldn’t be captured. We couldn’t turn back as down climbing was not an option. We somehow ended up at the base of Williams Canyon Waterfalls after seeing it from so far away never believing we’d end up at it’s base and the familiar way out. There we shared the hand sized blueberry pie I’d brought along for this exact spot.

Birds of a feather ….. it’s fun to be together. We’re gonna do the Incline next. Sarah hasn’t done it and we know we’ll all enjoy each others company. Chica isn’t invited as she ends up in my backpack too much. When I told John about the girls he was interested in their adventurous style and ‘I’d like to have a girlfriend.’ In the meanwhile, he’s gonna meet me at the laundry mat as we both need to do some cleaning up.

I love Manitou Springs 🙂

 

 

March Madness

My favorite wild flower : forget-me-nots

My favorite rock climbing spot: Tallulah Gorge, GA

My favorite male singer: Jerry Garcia

My favorite flower smell: gardinia

My favorite hobby: birding

My favorite place: Upper Peninsula, MI

My favorite color: cobalt blue

My favorite medium: water color

My favorite season: spring

My favorite month for sports: March Madness

Hospice…..think about it when you are healthy

I am a nurse and have NOT experienced a chronic or terminal diagnosis, but I was a hospice liaison and saw firsthand how much love hospice offers. I have worked in intensive care as well as many other branches of the medical fight for health. Hospice comes when one sees there is no longer a need to fight and a much bigger opportunity to only LOVE while they are present on earth. Period. Hospice isn’t waiting with shovels to hurry up your time it’s actually the complete opposite as end of life masters they bring the comfort you didn’t know was there. Nor did you realize your deep need for healing the spiritual and emotional needs beyond the physical body for yourself and all who know you. Once you’re gone those wounds will remain and will be faced regardless of your diagnosis, although the strength you showed will remain regardless of your choice. 

Angels on earth ……Hospice, don’t miss the love.